To forgive........

Forgive is a verb defined as ceasing to hold resentment against one.............TO FORGIVE. Forgiveness is a noun defined as the act of forgiving.............OFFERING MY FORGIVENESS. Forgiving is an adjective defined as allowing room for error or weakness and/or willing or able to forgive........THE FORGIVING HEART. To forgive is so POWERFUL, but can only be done by way of the genuine, forgiving heart. You can't halfway forgive someone..........you can't temporarily forgive someone...........you can't pretend like you have forgiven someone........you can't move forward from things of the past without a forgiving heart and a readiness to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you, no matter how deep the pain. It is most definitely easier to hold a grudge against someone then it is to forgive someone. As I mature more and more each day I realize the true significance of forgiving someone that has wronged me. I have had to come to terms with a lot of hurtful situations in my life and forgiving those who imposed the pain in my heart is NOT an easy task. In fact to truly forgive someone is one of the hardest things I have encountered and had to do in my life. I believe that people harbor pain and reject the thought of forgiveness because they feel once you forgive someone that you have to then bounce back and continue on the venture with that person. I personally don't believe that you have to maintain any kind of friendship/relationship/association after you truly forgive a person that has wronged you. There are people in my past that I had to forgive that probably didn't even know I was holding a grudge years later, and even though I feel they should have KNOWN by their actions why I held a grudge and why it was insanely hard for me to come to that place to forgive them..........it was necessary for me to grow that much more and bury that pain of the past. I was only allowing a burden to sit heavy on my chest by harboring that pain and not choosing to forgive the offender. I don't need any unnecessary burdens through this long journey of life. And maybe you don't believe that person that has wronged you deserves forgiveness from you, but be real...........nobody is perfect and the more ready you are to forgive, the more ready the person or people in your past and future will be ready to forgive you for any pain you may cause or have already caused. I still do not believe we as humans have the ability mentally or emotionally to forget, once we have forgiven the offender, but if you can come to the place to forgive those who have hurt you.........you will feel the release of the weight of a burden off your chest that will be so rejuvenating..................it will cause you to become that much more of a woman or man because you truly have to STEP UP to forgive. So remember..........You can't expect forgiveness if you are never willing to forgive yourself and/or others around you.

Stone Cold Heart

You tell me that you have a stone cold heart......do you not realize that if you don't eventually open it up that you might miss out on your perfect part? I'm not saying that God intended me to be your perfect part BUT how could you ever know? I think you failed to remember that when we first met that I to had a stone cold heart as well........I to had been through entirely too much pain of "love" struggles just as yourself and was so scared to really allow you into my life in that way........was unfortunate but refreshing that you could relate to me in regards to matters of the broken and protected heart. As time passed the chemistry we had was so overwhelming but priceless to me.......I kept asking myself could he be the one? Did God place him in my life because he's the missing piece of my puzzle? My skepticism kept me from really believing that you could really ever give into me and sincerely care for me and not hurt me like all the others, but my mind and heart made me take a chance on you and allow myself to be vulnerable to the possibility and potential for a true love. You truly made me happy........I've never had so many butterflies in my stomach throughout. I gave into my emotions eventually and opened my heart to you and for what? Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you never felt for me.........that your heart was so stone cold that you never saw anything between you and I.........that after all this time, you invested NO emotions or feelings into me..........were my feelings for you a waste of more of my precious and already broken heart??? You say that you were starting to see me as just a FRIEND........did you really not notice that I wasn't feeling that same way......that hadn't even crossed my mind once that it would ever turn into JUST a friendship......I don't treat and act with "friends" as I always have with you and I would hope that you don't act with just "friends" as you did with me. Time and time again I let you know how I genuinely felt.......you should have told me. I don't believe you recognize the depth of emotions I had for you. And yes if you would have told me three or four months ago that you weren't feelin' it then it still would have hurt me but gosh I honestly have put up a wall to so many other potentials because of what I saw in us. You were worth the wait to me......I was being more patient with you in hopes that you to would recognize that we had mad chemistry on so many levels.........how could there not be a chance that two broken hearts came together and handled each other with delicacy and care. I'm so upset and I was tryin' to talk myself into angry mode to cover up the pain that I am feeling right now but to be honest I sincerely feel broken and cannot fight off these tears........I'm sad beyond words........I feel like another love story in my life had begun and now will become just another unfinished chapter in my life.......another disappointment........another reason why maybe I should stay away from any potential romance because this hurts too much to keep doin' it. Maybe I should go back to my stone cold heart.......back to remembering anytime romance between me and any man sparks that I should put it out with ice built up around my heart to keep me from these situations. Why am I so blind? I'm more upset with myself that I whole heartedly cared for you and sincerely thought that it wasn't just a one sided feeling. I know ultimately it is in God's hands and though tears are falling down my face, I believe that He will find someone to recognize the beautiful love that I have to offer. It just crushes me that it wasn't you.