Dear Love and Desire (Part II)....

Dear Love and Desire,

I come to you again because I've become more and more confused since last Fall. I thought I had turned over a leaf and it appears that this leaf wasn't ready to be turned over despite my intentions. It's so hard to tell your heart to let someone go when your heart insists, that the person that has the key is still very much a part of your life. I've tried the "just friends" thing but I have a hard time believing that is possible when there are obvious feelings and emotions in it, whether both people want to speak on them or not. I have a hard time believing he and I are capable of having a strictly platonic friendship based on the feelings that do exist. There's way too much emotion invested in it. Why is it so hard to let go of this person in my life when he doesn't even like to admit or bring to light his true feelings for me? Why is it so hard to let go when he would rather disappear and become distant than to face me too often. Almost feels like he can't handle the truth of my heart either. I truly feel that he does in fact feel for me more deeply than I think he would even like to admit to himself, and I know that it is insanely hard for him to express the way he feels, but I sincerely don't believe I'm in denial about the way he feels. Do I let his hesitancy just be the end of it? Does he indeed feel for me the way I feel for him? Why is it so hard for me to come to reality with actions even though I feel the unspoken emotions are telling a completely different story? How do you tell your heart not to love? How do you tell your heart to let go? How do you convince your heart that even though you've not felt this way about someone in SO long and never in this way, that you need to let go? I hesitate when silence is in the room we both sit in to speak on the depth of my feelings for him. Maybe I hesitate because I'm scared my depth sincerely isn't the same depth he has for me, and then it would become rejection. I so much just want to say it, but I hesitate because I to am scared to give all my love, but maybe I need to say it so all truth or the "shadowed truth" can be revealed because if I'm not in his heart the way he is in mine, than I need to know. I need to move on and I need to let go. Please give me the courage to say it. Please give me the courage to be submissive to the spoken truth, whether it coincides with my heart or not.

Love,
ME