I am a TAURUS.....see how I am defined. Pretty daggon accurately.

Category: Life

I am a TAURUS, your needs in love are largely determined by the pleasing of your senses। The first of the earth signs, Taurus is very physical। You are sensually inclined--not sensation-oriented like Aries, but rather keenly tuned in to the world of the physical five senses. (The sixth sense belongs to the Water signs!) To understand the Venusian Taurus nature, it is helpful to think of three "S" words that Taurus values: sensuality, stability, and satisfaction. You are somewhat conventional in matters of the heart, with a strong sense of commitment and purpose. You are not romantic in a frilly or dreamy way, yet you certainly have the sense of the romantic when it comes to honoring others and surrounding partnerships in simple luxuries. You are practical, and relationships are taken seriously. This does not necessarily mean that you are incapable of having one-night-stands or the like, but a partnership means a lot to you and you don't take your responsibilities lightly. You have a strong, constant love nature, and you offer loved ones much comfort in your stability. You seek out security through partnership. You tend to hold on to partnerships, and you place basic security needs over emotional or spiritual needs. As a result, others may see you as a rock, or they can easily get frustrated that you overlook the nuances of the relationship, depending on the audience.
Your tastes are well-developed, and you prefer to surround yourself with things that feel luxurious and comfortable, yet simple. Your taste in home decor reflects your own love nature! Satisfaction is important to you, and your lover's physical presence is demanded. Unless Venus is strongly aspected to Neptune, for example, you are very much concerned with all that is physical, often completely ignoring the spiritual needs of your partner and relationship. You are persevering and you are not afraid to wait if you know you are likely to get your prize! Changes make you unsettled, and you react to any sudden changes in the course of your relationship by digging in your heels.

Most all lies will be revealed with time......

Category: Friends

I don't know why people continue to think that they can lie straight to your face and think because they THINK they are sneaky that their triflin' ways will not be found out by the one they have betrayed or hurt. Most all lies WILL be revealed with time and don't you DARE try to blame your actions on "bein' drunk"......UNACCEPTABLE and UNBELIEVABLE. IF the friendship that they have with you is important to them at all, you'd think once a "friend" has stepped on your toes or hurt you before that they would do everything in their power to make sure that they wouldn't do anything to mess up that bond up again. And for a friend to have the audasity to step to you with "concern" to make sure their actions would not yet hurt you again knowing that they already have done what they are talkin' about may happen in the FUTURE, is even lower. Did you do it because it made your conscious feel better???? Like I've said once before I do NOT take the words "I love you" lightly, I cherish REAL friendships deeply, and I just want YOU to know that you have been found out AGAIN and for YOU to look me in my face like you haven't yet again hurt me and act like everything is hunky dory because "I don't know about your actions" is RIDICULOUS! YOU ain't sneaky, I know a LOT of people that actually DO CARE ABOUT ME and the grape vine flows through my ears OFTEN so I don't know why you keep trying! Such disappointment. Was he worth it?!

Different perspective on dating and chances taken

Category: Romance and Relationships

So I've been dating this guy for about 3 months now and everything has been truly wonderful. Though it is the learning process and things are on a slow pace, I have definitely developed feelings and a slow attachment to this GOOD MAN. In the past week another "good" MAN comes into the picture and shows interest and I was goin' back and forth about whether or not it is fair to date more than one guy at a time and if I should pursue this interest. It is in fact dating and so in my experience and mind there was nothing wrong with dating more then one guy but when it came down to it for me to feel as uncomfortable as I did during a whole date because I kept thinkin' to myself I wonder if the other guy would be offended and why do I feel so wrong. I wasn't havin' a bad time with this other "good" man but my discomfort took away from the experience and focus I should have dedicated to that date. I got to hear a different perspective on the situation of dating from the "new" guy and the "old" guy that they were not really comfortable with me talkin' to another because it is in some way unfair and it technically takes away from the total dating experience with one because if your talkin' to more than one man then you will not allow and cannot have your WHOLE focus on just one guy at that time, you would have to almost split your focus. It's not like I was purposely goin' out and lookin' for another to date because I've been perfectly content with dating this one guy for the past months but this other guy came along and I kept asking myself should I pass up the opportunity to date two "good" men as it is a RARE thing around here to find "good men"? The answer I came up with was YES because of the whole dating experience. It is already hard for me to put my feelings into something totally due to past hurt and my heart being guarded but having other options is not goin' to ease that past pain by makin' sure I always have more then one option because I'm comforted that I will always have someone and is not fair if you really think about it to any of the parties involved. I learned something this weekend through this experience and it is that I guess sometimes you gotta set aside your selfishness because of pain and take a chance. I cannot forsee the future and I don't know that the guy I've been dating is "the one", even though he is obviously an excellent prospect and MAN, but if he happens to be "the one" would I ever know if I decided to not focus on him and miss signs or whatever? As much as I think to myself that everybody comes into your life for a reason I've got to take a risk and pump the brakes on other "options" that I may come in contact with. I'm gettin' to old to juggle and refuse to play games. I don't think I was the only one that learned a lil somethin' this weekend either because through it all the one I've been dating realized how much me dating another bothered him and he realized it was because he really had a lot of feelings for me even though he also has a guard on his heart and let me know that. It's amazing how certain situations that transpire can make you realize how you really feel and decide to relay that to the other. Life lessons are a doozy and love lessons are even harder to figure out.

Your life can be over in an instant.

Category: Life

Though we hear about death daily from watchin' the news or even from the stories that surface throughout each day it seems, you never really think it will end up bein' so close to you. I watch CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) on television regularly and even though I don't care to hear about death I for some reason find the show intriguing. However I never wanted to be able to say that I've ever seen one of those awful crime scenes in real life. I was at a club this weekend and the night went from fun to gut wrenching in like 5 minutes. Though I didn't witness the actual shooting, hearing it from inside the spot and knowing it was just right outside of the spot that was only sheltered by glass made my stomach turn. My life could have been over in an instant if one of those bullet's went astray into the building. What was going to stop it except for an object or person. All that I could think about was all the people out there watchin' the drama take place from what I thought was just a stupid drunkin' fight in the club and hoping that whoever decided to SELFISHLY pull guns out in the midst of so many innocent bi-standards wouldn't accidentally or on purpose hurt or kill anyone. That was not the case in this particular situation. When it was all over two people lost their lives and another was close to losin' his. I got to see my first real life dead body this weekend and even though I didn't know the victims personally it still made me cry. My heart hurt for them. And even though they may have wronged people in the past and may have been part of the shooting. Did anybody really deserve to lose their lives? I just kept thinkin' about how grateful I was that it wasn't me or any of my friends who caught any of the many bullet's fired when it was all goin' on. I have friends that have caught bullet's and thank God they are able to say that they are still breathing but all the craziness these days just scares the crap out of me. I have ALWAYS stressed how much I do NOT like guns and do NOT like to be around them. I know some people think guns solve the issues of some of these IMMATURE IDIOTS of the world walkin' around on a "power tip" because they carryin' a piece and can't nobody phase them, but all that crap does is ignite the flame further under the butt of loved ones and friends for "justice." I will never understand it all and I just hope and pray that when I go it won't be because I was out and about mindin' my own and some idiots decided to start fightin' or whatever and I catch a bullet and die havin' nothing to do with the situation. It was definitely a bit of an eye opener. I know bad things happen all the time and drama seems to be continuous around here but I still think there is NO excuse for retaliation by way of tryin' to end ones life. For anybody that reads this I'm not goin' to apologize if you've become offended by this blog and the way I feel. God is the ONLY one who should be choosin' when our lives are over. It is not up to us to place judgment and our choice of punishment on ANY individual no matter what they've done to you. They may in fact be "bad" people in your eyes but why let your animosity take over because in the end whether you choose to end someone's life or not we will ALL be judged by God by what WE chose to do and not one someone has done to us. There will be no valid excuses or pointing of fingers in heaven.

An apology doesn’t make EVERYTHING okay.

Category: Friends

I know it is said once someone apologizes that we are supposed to "forgive and forget" but does anybody else realize how hard that is to do. I am a very loving and forgiving person HOWEVER once I've been wronged by someone, I have a hard time with just "forgive and forget" as I am not God. I am human and with that comes error but blatant disrespect amongst other hateful remarks are not all solved by the words "I'm sorry" in my opinion. I definitely do NOT like to hold grudges against anyone but I almost can't fathom how I am supposed to just forget. I'm not okay with someone doin' me wrong and tryin' to come back into my life just as soon as the words "I'm sorry" comes out of their mouth like that should make EVERYTHING okay. It doesn't! In the back of my mind I will always retain what someone has done to me, and whether that is just memory of pain or maybe just plain mistrust, it is still there. I am by far perfect but when I've wronged someone I am quick to try to make it right if I am knowledgeable of it but I also know that "I'm sorry" does not always bring a resolution to the hurt and I don't sit there and pretend like the person I may have hurt has completely forgotten about it. If they are human like myself I doubt strongly that it is forgotten when forgiven. I don't know maybe it is a defect I have and something that I need to learn to do but for now those things will linger in my mind when he or she is talkin' to me like everything is all hunky-dory. The point of this blog is just to let you know I don't FORGET the GOOD or the BAD that one has done to me so keep that in mind when you are talkin' to me or maybe callin' me everyday like you once used to.......hint hint I'm probably not okay with it right off the bat if EVER.

Husband Credentials.....if you ain’t got em dating shouldn’t be an option for या.

Category: Romance and Relationships

Like my profile says I don't believe in using the internet as a dating service but if that is the way destiny has it then live and let live. This may come off as a cocky blog but to me it's more of a guide to some of the so called "MEN" and also the findings of my observations from the internet and the opposite sex. First off let me say that guys do come at me a lot for "dating" reasons and maybe "other" reasons, if you will, and so I've made it a point to try to start asking the BASICS to see if these "men" comin' at my grown self have "HUSBAND CREDENTIALS." Again I'll say I'm not using the internet for dating purposes so these questions are out of pure curiousity. I'll just say if you ain't got the following when you come at me you ain't comin' at me correctly in my opinion:
1. A job (that you have kept for longer then a month and/or intend on keepin' for a stable amount of time)
2. Transportation, a/k/a your own car, bike, SOMETHIN'
3. Goals
4. Bank Account that isn't always in the negative (so I know yo butt can at least partially manage your own EARNED moolah)
5. Your own place whether you rentin' or ownin'.....some place you can call YOUR home
6. Cell phone or home phone
7. Existence of a long term relationship in your life time after high school and the capability to handle commitment
8. The want to be a husband before the age of 40
Ya'll might read the above and think to yourselves.......those sound like some pretty common things around people my age (25) and older.......however through the course of time I've been single on the internet, those simple things are NOT always either on somebody's plate or even on their daggon agenda for life. I am NOT a completely materialistic woman BUT you've got to at least match me in my accomplishments or investments so I know you can take care of me when and if we ever engage in marriage. In my observations ya'll so called "MEN" have a LOT to work on if you gonna come at somebody on my level. Get your husband credentials together and keep in mind I just listed above some of the BASICS.

It's sad that bein' nice and helpful can get you treated so bad.

Category: Friends

It's so sad that bein' nice and helpful to certain people can get you treated and talked to so badly. I try to be the type of friend that people can come to and lean on but when your leanin' is causin' debt and stress in my life there's a problem. I don't think anybody likes to be taken advantage of but I always seem to be so blind to it. Does that make me a fool or does that just make me too nice? I feel like I may have a fo real bad judgment defect in my brain sometimes. Maybe my nickname should be "gotcha sucka" because it seems like certain people can drain the life out of you and then after they screw you over.....you know that's what their thinkin' in their head.....GOTCHA SUCKA! It's also sad to me that a friendship can be so petty to certain people. I have been there and been there and been there for a certain someone and he has ALWAYS taken advantage of me and in my foolishness of thinkin' he'll get his act together, am put in a predicament. It's sad to me that he's so easy to throw a friendship away over something SO SMALL and disrespect me so badly over something SO SMALL. I thought our friendship was deeper than that but it is quite apparent to me now that no TRUE FRIEND will ever say to you the things that I have heard said to me today and no TRUE FRIEND would ever put such stress and predicaments in my life. I feel truly foolish for helpin' him out for so long and I feel extra foolish that I did it for nothing not even a friendship that is salvageable. One day he will look back and realize what he's lost........a TRUE FRIEND.

Challenging yourself is one of the greatest challenges.

Category: Life

I'm goin' through some changes in my life. Maybe its because I feel older by the minute and feel like it is time for me to grow even more then I have over the last 25 years of my life and get ME together. I've set forth challenges for myself over the last couple of months and all that I can say is GOLLY! Challenging myself has been and continues to be one of the greatest challenges I face yet. I am in fact a very STRONG woman but challenges definitely test you thoroughly. You know we all go through the "new year resolutions" every year, but how many of us REALLY stick to them and conquer the challenge(s)? I know I am guilty of not always CHOOSING to accomplish what I have set out in my "time frame." The challenges I'm facin' now are things that I have childishly become accustom to over the last 6 years of my life. It's always fun to play but the HARD lessons you learn along the way almost make it seem like playin' is not so worth it in the end. Though I know we are supposed to grow with each step we take in life whether it be the hard way (which is usually the way I take) or the easy way. I am CHALLENGING myself to be a better person and to put away those childish things in which I have become attached. Those things are but habits that I have chosen not to get rid of in my life and now that I am choosing to rid those things from my life it makes the challenge all the more hard to work on accomplishing. I'm actually quite proud of myself because I have been doin' well BUT my challenges are NOT over yet and I encourage all of you to stick it out. Challenge yourself in areas of your life that you've been wanting to make better or just change. I believe if I am concurring the challenges I have made for myself, ANYBODY can be successful. It may not be easy but I feel the reward will be worth it to ME. Challenges can be a test of your mind, your strength, your will, your heart, and your character. I hope through all the challenges I am facing in my life that I WILL be a stronger, more intelligent, beautiful individual.

Have a blessed and very fulfilling day!

Pretty daggon determined.

Category: Romance and Relationships

It seems as though when your out in the dating scene that when you find somebody you REALLY SINCERELY like and are giving your sole thoughts and feelings to that they aren't the ones that are DETERMINED and persistent to make sure you are all to themselves........But it's the ones that you aren't really givin' any attention to that are pretty daggon DETERMINED to catch your eye, win you over, and have you to themselves. What is that??? I never have gotten it and probably never will. The one you want to be persistent isn't usually the one that is. I guess it is true the things that you want REALLY bad are usually the hardest things to grab hold of and obtain for yourself. The moral of this blog you ask............there isn't one, just thoughts from my observations in dating. Blaaaaaaaaaah!

10 Weird or Random things, facts, or habits about me that you may not have known.

Category: Life

1. I do not like the feel or smell of newspaper. It gives me gross chills.
2. I only use certain kinds of pencils. Some pencils scratch the paper and that gross' me out.
3. I won't step on manholes in the street, big holes covered up with anything on sidewalks or anywhere.
4. I fear putting ANY part of me in water that I cannot see through.
5. I don't like to step on the black lines on the bottom of public pools. (I've always had a fear that something would get me or I would fall through).
6. It sickens me when people flick their fingernails and it ecspecially sickens me when someone does it to my fingernails.
7. I have to take a shower EVERY morning or I feel dirty all day. Even if I took one at midnight the night before.
8. I can't stand when someone licks their finger and wipes it across paper. GROSS!
9. I am CONSTATNLY moving some part of my body. I cannot sit completely still at any point of my awakened day.
10. When I go to sleep in a bed. I feel unsafe and uncomfortable if I don't have my feet tucked into the end of the cover.

Ethnic Stereotypes perturb me!!

Category: Life

I received an e-mail today from a good friend that had a supposed article of a magazine of two opinions: One from a white woman, and a responsive opinion to the white woman from a black man. In this day in age you are going to see SO many interracial mixers! I haven't traveled the world ,but I know that it is not in just my region of occupancy that people date outside of their race. It is also NOT a fact that the only interracial mixes you are going to see is black and white. We have so many nationalities in the United States that I don't know why their seems to always be a bashing toward black and white. I've never once heard any black or white person say that had a problem with a mexican, chinese, japanese, australian, protugese, etc. dating within their race. I realize everyone has an opinion and that is what we have the right to have HOWEVER I DESPISE any one person that looks at my outer appearance and stereotypes me because of my ethnicity. Who are you to look at me and sum me up based on your prior encounters with a white woman or thoughts of a white woman??? Why is it SOME white women feel they have the upper hand to a black woman because they are dating a black man? Why is it SOME black women can call white woman weak or easy because we are dating a black man? Why is it a black man will choose NOT to date any other race except for white woman because they say black woman are too dominating or loud or whatever? I'm sorry I have friends of other races and yes if you know me you also know that I have only dated men either black or mixed BUT it is not me doing so to make a statement. It is not me being bias towards a black man because I have discredited every white man or any other race because that is NOT the case and I have liked many other races in my 24 years of living. It just so happens that's how it worked out. And I have heard many people in my day make comments about black woman bein' too loud or controling and I've heard comments about white women being pushovers and easy. I know many of both races that don't fit either of those stereotypes including myself. Don't come to me and tell me that I'm tryin' to be more "black" because I go to the tanning bed to have a little complexion. Don't tell me I'm trying to be "black" because I enjoy listening to a certain type of music. DON'T STEREOTYPE ME because of the pigmentation of my skin! If your going to stereotype me do it ONLY when you meet me in person and look beyond my outer appearance and find out my inner workings! God made each and everyone of us an individual for a reason with individiual personalities, etc. We ALL face different trials and tribulations in our lives. This is not my opinion or perspective as an angry "white" woman either.......it is my perspective as an INDIVIDUAL who often faces prejudice remarks due to the color of my skin or decisions in my life. The reality is that every race in this day in age does in fact face certain prejudices but I do hope when any white woman opens her mouth that she doesn't feel like she's speaking on behalf of every white woman including myself because that is not the case. And I do hope that no one person ever encounters me and thinks because of their race that I take one look at them and have them "figured out" or stereotyped from the jump. I don't mind hearing a person's perspective or opinion about a race until they start bashing me as a "white" woman. Point of this blog you ask........don't stereotype me and degrade ME as an individual because YOU may be close minded.

Movin' on and the games that are played.

Category: Romance and Relationships

I don't know what it is about the whole movin' on process that is SO daggon hard sometimes. Its like you have it set in your mind that you are DONE and that you deserve better and he was an asshole to you anyways so why should you care and thats it BUT then you see that your once significant other is movin' on and you wonder how it is that he moves on so easily, and how he calls her like he used to call you, and compliments her like he didn't hardly ever compliment you. You can't help but to be a tad bit curious what the next offers that is makin' your once significant other so interested as he was into you at one point. I can't even front and say that it doesn't bother me a lil bit that HE is talkin' to somebody else because I would be lyin'. I can't front and say I'm not offended at the cute lil things she says to him and the lil ringtone she now gets because she is now special to him. It hurts to see that. And yes I do feel sorry for her in a way because I know she's got him now and I know what she's bout to go through wit him and for that I sympathize but no matter what I say and do I will tell him, her, and anyone else that asks that when I say I am THROUGH.......its not just words and hot air comin' out my mouth its thoughts and feelings from the heart. So from here on out the games that are being played, the smart and spiteful lil remarks are OVER because I am not doin' myself a favor by continuing to express that I care. To him and her its a victory that I still care and that all that crap their doin' bothers me. Your victory is over. From here on out I WILL BE VICTORIOUS. It is I that has found a man that blows him out of the water and for that the movin' on process is so much easier to see what I was missin' out on while I was settling for things not good or meant for me.Things will be as their supposed to be. SOOOOOO good luck to "her" and him because you'll need every bit of it.

Still heart broken but as the days pass.

Category: Romance and Relationships

To all of my friends and family I thank you for your support through this hard time I'm goin' through with my broken love. I loved him with all my heart and I do hope one day he will realize how great we would have been together and I was worth the sacrifice but when that happens I will hopefully be moved on and happy with someone that wants to be my everything and have me be theirs. The heart break will be with me for a LONG time but as the days pass by it gets a little easier. I have been reminded again through this pain that I deserve ONLY the best from a man. I haven't shed any tears in about a week now which is an improvement. It takes everything in me to get him and the break up off of my mind but I am a little more successful each day. So this is an update on my emotional state. It is better and I will remind myself every day that I am a Strong, Intelligent, Independent, Worthwhile, Beautiful woman that someone one day will recognize. Being single isn't all its cracked up to be and the men hitting on me and tryin' to get at me tends to be annoying right now to me, but I guess fresh meat on the market is appealing so I guess I haven't lost my appeal in the dating scenery.
Again thank you to those of you for bein' there for me through this.....you know who you are and I am truly grateful for you.

How could you?!

Category: Romance and Relationships

How could you be so easily over this and moving on to the next broad like I was a temporary feeling to you? How could you even be thinking about getting into another relationship so soon? How could you act like this doesn't break your heart any more than losing a penny out of your pocket? How could you sit there and continue to be an asshole when you are making me hurt and cry? How could you be so selfish? How could you not fight for the love we had? How could you not care about my feelings if you loved me? How could you go on pretending that we didn't invest any time, love, emotions, and effort to make US what we were? How could you show me again why everyone told me we shouldn't be together? How could you show everyone that I was a fool once again with you because I believed in OUR future together? HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?!?

As tears fall down my face.......I realize a relationship is gone.

Category: Romance and Relationships

As each tear falls down my face I wonder if it was worth it. Was love and is love worth it???? I put SO much of me into one man and what I get in return is tears falling down my face, a broken heart, and more bitter feelings about male compatibility with myself. Is there a man out there for me? Is there a man that can fulfill every part of making me happy that I expect? Why was I such a fool? Why does my kind heart always get this disappointment, this anger, this sadness, this lack of love, and a broken heart. I am sad and torn. I'm looking back at 11 months...........were they wasted or was it just another test to make me feel so down that I would learn to know better in the future? Will I ever be able to see the right one? Is there a right one for me? Last night me and Justin broke up and I loved him SO much but it wasn't enough for us to last as long as I had anticipated or hoped. I AM HURTING, I AM DISTRAUGHT, I AM BROKEN!