Communication

Out of all days for drama.......today is the day by BD (Baby's Daddy) decides to bring me that as a gift. I managed to get 6 months worth of pent up frustration, aggravation, anger, sadness, and raw emotions regarding my situation with him out today. He fails to realize that COMMUNICATION IS A KEY in ALL relationships. Relationships being defined as friend to friend, mother to father, boyfriend to girlfriend, etc. He and I have a parenting relationship. I don't believe in telepathy and I sure don't have the ability to read anyone's mind including his. Me and my BD had a screamin' match for hours today and I am emotionally exhausted.........forced to reveal raw emotions and tears. I've been fightin' them back and covering them up with anger because it's SO much easier than bein' vulnerable to the situation tearin' my heart apart. I can't stress enough how important communication is between people. I know sometimes it can be hard to communicate certain things but if you deny ME communication then my mind is allowed to wonder off trying to figure out what is actually going on or what is actually being felt. I don't know how you feel unless you tell me how you feel. This was a time bomb waitin' to explode........it was inevitable. Just kills me because it could have ALL been avoided if he would have allowed communication to happen. SO FRUSTRATING! I am drained right now and hope that we had a breakthrough for our son's sake because I want him in DJ's life and I have never wanted to have THAT kind of relationship with my BD where we couldn't get a long. I'm going to put it in God's hands and hope that it gets worked out. This is me venting.....I know........I'm done.......life will move forward hoping for the best. So please remember with EVERY relationship you have in your life that it is imperative that you communicate because I promise, the other person CANNOT read your mind.

Precious Life

Life is so very precious. It is too often that we take it for granted. It is too often that we take a breath and forget that it can be over in an instant and thank God for the next one that comes after it. Death is a true fear of mine for many reasons. Tears fall down my face thinkin' about any of my family or friends dying. I've never really lost someone to death that has been incredibly close to me and really don't want to find out how I would be emotionally. I've lost people that I knew and I've lost family that I wasn't really that close to or was too young to recognize the significance of the loss. Sometimes I dream or maybe just hear of someone else losing their life and my mind goes twisting into "what if" and it literally drives me to tears because I cannot fathom losing someone I love. Just seeing someone else mourn over someone they loved makes me emotional. Sometimes I wonder if God's plan for me to go will be sooner than later or will I be old and have the opportunity to be blessed with more family of my own.........will I get to see DJ get old and take the journey of life through school, first kisses, success, and have a family of his own. I never want to leave him lonely.........I love him SOOOO much.........words cannot even grasp the emotion behind my love for him. He is a true blessing to me and sometimes I don't always feel like I tell him that enough or show him enough but he truly is my heart. Losing him would kill my heart and I hope God's plan for him is to outlive me many many years. I do hope that whenever God makes my last breath that I leave a good memory.........leaving my family and friends with a blessing........leaving them with happiness to remember me by. I love my family and I hope if not anything else that they know that I love them with every feeling in my body, mind, and soul. When I leave this world I hope you all, family and friends, know that you are a blessing to me. You all and DJ are what keep me going and keep me grounded and I thank you all. Just remember that life is precious, so never forget to say I love you if you feel it, never forget to give a hug, never forget that the last thing you said to me or someone else could be the very last thing you ever say.

I ran across this advice column and thought this information to be very helpful in some of my present dating situations and so I'm sharing it with you to JUST IN CASE you might benefit from reading it as I did.

How many times have you waited too long for a man to call and ask you out again after you had an amazing time together? He seemed truly interested, but then you never heard from him again. Why does this happen for so many women? And what does it mean about men?

Here are the 5 most common reasons why men don’t call back, even after a great date:

Reason #1: He’s Having Trouble Being Honest If you and a man hit it off, trade numbers, talk for a while or trade emails, but he never seems to make the initiative to actually see you – then something else is going on. Men often have a hard time sharing the truth about their feelings with women they’ve just met. Maybe he’s already seeing someone else. It’s fine to casually ask in a playful way, “I’m curious since you’re kinda cute -- are you dating anyone interesting right now?” Invite honesty from men and you’ll get it. If you wait and wonder, you’ll end up wasting your own time and energy.

Reason #2: He’s Just Looking For a Fling If a man really likes you, but he is more interested in a casual encounter and senses you’re not that kind of girl, he’ll move on -- partially out of respect for you (or his own selfish desires). In either case, the timing is off. Not calling you back was his way of letting you know where he’s at without having to say it directly. Take heart -- in this case he’s actually doing you a favor by not calling.

Reason #3: He Was Just Being Polite Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, all the while dreading the idea of ever talking to him again? Men do something similar with women. Sometimes men can enjoy a conversation with you but not really be interested in anything more. In this case, a man was just being polite by asking for your number.

Reason #4: He Lost Interest He was interested in you at first, but something happened along the way to change his mind about you. In this case, maybe he sensed some anxiety from you that he didn’t know how to figure out or handle. Or maybe he sensed a bit of desperation (“You’re going to call me, right?”). Communicating either anxiousness or desperation early on before a man knows you is a sure attraction-killer. Relax. If he’ll call he’ll call. If not, you know he wasn’t the right one at the right time.

Reason #5: He Lost Your Number or Forgot to Call Yes, sometimes this really happens. Men lose your number and can’t call. Unfortunately, when it does, some women fill their heads with all kinds of not-so-happy stories that don’t make them feel great. Now with these 5 reasons, what do all of the situations of how a man behaves and whether or not he calls have in common? For starters, none of these 5 reasons have anything to do with who you are as a woman. If you don’t know it yet, it’s your choice to give the situations you come across with men the meaning you want.

Here’s what I mean by that:
If you’re criticizing yourself because a guy didn't pick up the phone and call you right away, you might end up feeling hurt or confused. And the next time you do get on the phone and try and have a casual conversation with that man, or another man, that confusion or fear comes across in lots of subtle ways. When this happens often times the conversation just won’t feel right to a man. And here’s the thing -- men can sense this whether you know it or not.

If you can choose to make more positive meaning for yourself with the things you don’t yet understand about men or dating, odds are just making this small shift for yourself will have big impact on your success and finding and connecting with the right man.

"It's Complicated"

I am beyond sick of the phrase "it's complicated" when it comes to a relationship! That phrase is the worst one used and more frequently than ever. It irritates me when a man uses that as a pass on his commitment to do dirt. When I ask you if you have a girlfriend, DON'T tell me "it's complicated" thinking that it's gonna get you in where you think you can fit it. It's black and white........yes or no! Don't tell me "it's complicated because it's "rocky".........what in the heck is that supposed to mean. When it's "rocky" in your relationship saying "it's complicated" doesn't give you a free pass to go be unfaithful and feel justified in doing so. If your relationship is so "rocky" then END IT! I've been in serious relationships and I've been through the "rocky" and "complicated" times but I NEVER used that as an excuse to go do as I please and feel justified by my triflin' actions and I surely didn't let that be the excuse for my boyfriend at the time. You either try to work out the "rocky" and "complicated" times in hopes to make your relationship last OR you make a decision to be done with it and move on because it clearly isn't working. Why put your "other half" through it just because YOU can't or don't want to deal with it? Just because your other half may not know for fact that you are being unfaithful does not mean that she isn't being torchered by the thoughts day in a day out that you probably are bein' unfaithful because all the signs point to it. It's scandalous, period the end. It just baffles me how some of you men think you're slick leavin' out pertinent information when engaging in conversation with another woman. And the audasity that you have to step to me while you got a whole girlfriend and possibly involve me whether you believe it to be that or not. Let me tell you something........when you have a girlfriend and you venture out to holla at me then you ARE involving me. We may not be getting serious or even looking to get into a relationship but if your girlfriend were to find out and I was not knowledgeable of her I guarantee in this world today that BOTH you and I would get the heat for it and IF your girlfriend is freakin' crazy then YOU are comprimising peace in MY life because she could do harmful things to me because she would perceive me as a scandalous broad because I'm hollerin' at you even if I didn't know. KEEP IT REAL DANG IT and let ME decide if I want to be a scandalous broad, which you will clearly see I AM NOT. So don't tell me once I've figured you out that "you aren't trying to get me involved" because every single person that comes into your life is an involvment in some form or fashion to you and possibly to your already present situations. I am proud to say I am a thinker. I'm proud to say that I am a question asker and not just some simple minded broad that chooses to be ignorant because you look like a good time. If you can't handle your COMMITMENT then spare your girlfriend the agony and be single. Go have your fun but don't do it at the expense of your girlfriends feelings and emotions because it is men like you that cause women like me to have so much pain in our hearts because of your lack of commitment and the dirt you decided to pleasure yourself with while I'M BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU. Miss me with it because I am NOT the one.

Ignoring your intuition

I like to think of myself as a very intuitive individual. I am however aware of my habit to ignore my intuition too often. One's intuition should not be taken lightly and should not be ignored by one. It is our intuition that often protects us from uncomfortable and/or unfortunate situations in our life. It is way to easy to ignore all the signs and stay in an ignorant state of mind to seek pleasure because facing the facts means we have to put ourself in check..........means we have to face reality and deal with what is in front of us at that moment in time.......means we have to cease all vulnerability to a situation. So why is it we choose to ignore our intuition in certain situations? Why is it our "gut" often leads us in the right direction and we choose to go the other way because their is a minute chance that our "gut" could be wrong......though in most cases it has proven that it was right. Ignorance can be bliss but facing reality can be pure growth. It can be our intuition that makes us stronger and protect us from complicated situations in the future. Moral of this blog is that intuition can be a powerful key to much better things in store for us so don't ignore it because as I have learned the hard way and am still contiuing to learn, God has given us our intuition as a tool and so we need to stay tuned to it.

Three Degrees of Separation

There used to be a television series called Six Degrees of Separation and the idea of the show was based on the theory that anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries. So especially over the last 5 years of my life I have realized that the Southern Indiana/Kentuckiana area has, at the most, 3 degrees of separation. I tend to refer to myself as a social butterfly.......meaning I know LOTS of people whether it be through friendships or by association of friendships due to my love of socializing. I enjoy meeting and getting to know many people that come along. I would never say it's a burden that I know so many people, but with it comes a LOT of information both good and bad. It can also come with a lot of he say, she say bull crap......so when knowing many people you have to filter through the invalid information as it is provided because some people thrive off of drama which they know they can cause with rumors which many find extremely entertaining. I always question my sources and know their credibility to know whether the information is provided for their own personal gain or if it may be because they sincerely care. What continues to baffle me each and every time I come across DISTURBING information is that some people continue to try to be diabolical in their triflin' ways around here thinkin' that the truth won't eventually be brought to light. It is not at all a surprise to find out that when something has happened around here that about 90% of the population will probably know about it within a week or less. If you have lived around here long enough, you to start to catch onto the wild fire known of information that I refer to as the "grape vine". The more people one knows the more information they will come across. I am very aware through my own personal life experiences that it is hard to keep your life private around here. I have found that it is even harder to keep your life private if you choose to do deceitful, triflin', selfish, and/or drama filled things in your life. Sometimes the harmful things you are doing may be found out by a loved one or someone that truly cares, and that person will most likely feel obligated to make their loved one or friend aware of the hurt you are causing with your actions and deceit. You cannot blame the messenger for caring or loving the one you are deceiving or hurting. If you would just KEEP IT REAL you would have a whole lot less problems in life and you wouldn't have to worry about the "grape vine". So if you are gonna continue to be triflin' ........when thinkin' about being a "playa" you may want to do a LITTLE research, at least in regards to who you are thinkin' about playin', because the more people he or she knows the stronger chance your triflin' ways are gonna be revealed........and in most cases VERY quickly and you will only have YOURSELF to blame for being triflin' because like I always say, "all lies will be revealed with time".

"Those Moments"

There will always be "those moments" in life where you feel like an emotional breakdown is inevitable.......you will feel like a tear or two will release your stress and worries......you will sometimes just feel that screaming out loud will break up the pain. You choose to put "those moments" off, because you are SO strong and you feel that bottling them up is so much easier than bringing them to light whether in front of a crowd, someone, or maybe even by yourself because you might then be labeled as emotionally unstable, vulnerable, and/or weak. Let me break it down to you......YOU ARE HUMAN and God made each and every one of us with emotions and what you will find out is that "those moments" are not extinguished......ONLY postponed.

Make love to my mind.

He will make love to my mind.......rejuvenate my soul.....take notice to the depth inside.....as it is what makes me whole. I am more than surface beauty.........my true beauty lies within...........from my soul to yours.........a beautiful adventure can begin. Look deep into my eyes........tell me what you see.......a continuing growth of WOMAN is what you'll see in me. Being aroused by my uniqueness.........finding glee in my happiness.......being motivated by my success.........taking comfort in my security and warmth.........I shall settle for nothing less. He will be strong in mind, body, and soul........he will have ambition and the want to grow.......he will exude the potential for passion and love............he will not be scared to express himself........he will think with every step taken..........he will embrace what CAN BE...........he will possess these characteristics if he's meant to be with an extraordinary woman like me. My life is a puzzle wanting and waiting for your piece to complete it. So remember me, Dear when you embark on the journey of love.......recognize the significance of what is right in front of you and that with you is where I belong. We will discover phenomenal things that will feel endless along the way.......as we enjoy the beautiful odyssey that life takes us along. So make love to my mind..........rejuvenate my soul.........I have now noticed your depth inside......and it is you that makes me whole.

A TRUE friend..........

Category: Friends

Along the path of life we meet many wonderful people. Some of those wonderful people make their ways into our hearts to be friends. To have a real and TRUE friend is one of the most cherished blessings that I thank God for. I don't know what I would have done if my true friends wouldn't have been here for me all of my years. They have been there through my errors, my pain, my tears, my laughter, my happiness, my joy, and my continuing growth and in turn I do everything in my power to reciprocate the same love and loyalty that they have given to me. It can be very hard to find friends that are loyal and won't backstab and do things to hurt you. Through friendships you will go through a series of trials and tribulations and to me that is either the make or break of friendships. If you can get through the trials and tribulations, recognizing your errors and come out LEARNING from the mistakes that may have taken place and either asking for forgiveness or being the one to forgive, the friendship can become closer and stronger. If you however have trials and tribulations and the errors aren't recognized and the mistakes or acts are repeated whether forgiven previously or not, then a friendship is more than likely going to whither away and both parties left in pain whether either party wants to admit it or not. I don't believe friendships are meant to be hard. I don't believe that either party in a friendship is intended to do MORE work than the other. I believe it is equal playing ground and the same amount of love, devotion, loyalty, support, and work should be put into it in order for it to prosper. I often evaluate the friendships in my life and I think it is important to do so. I think it is healthy for friends to get things off of their chest to the other in an appropriate manner, but once that is done you CANNOT repeatedly keep bringing it up and makin' the other feel bad because YOU have chosen not to get over it and move past it. If you feel something is going wrong with a friendship of yours, instead of pointing the finger at the other person, take a step back and check yourself to make sure that you are not in the wrong. It is SO much easier to point a finger when you're in the wrong but it is mature and the right thing to do to accept and own up to things that were your fault as well. If you always sit and point the finger and never accept responsibility of your actions then you will never grow and your friendships will never prosper. A friendship should never end and one of the parties feel relieved that they don't have to deal with you anymore because if that is the case than it wasn't a true friendship in the first place. I have found through evaluations past and present that if a friendship leaves you with a negative vibe, confused, feelin' down, sad, angry more than it does leaving you happy, uplifted, supported, and positive than it is not a TRUE friend on the other end. A TRUE friend will be there through the good AND the bad. A TRUE friend will not hold things over your head constantly. A TRUE friend will not always agree with every decision you make in your life BUT will accept YOU for YOU and will BE THERE regardless. Moral of this blog........TRUE friends are hard to find so make sure you're being one and when you are a TRUE friend make sure it is being reciprocated.

It’s still so fresh.......let me heal.

Category: Romance and Relationships

Gosh.......it's still so fresh. My feelings just got minor league hurt. I mean I give it everything in me to salvage a friendship (if it began with friendship before romance) out of a dating or relationship situation that didn't work out, but dang it......it's just hard to see him with someone else so fresh after we've stopped dating. The first time is always uncomfortable but SO FRESH. I mean dang it's been such a short time since the end of our dating adventure. Kinda hurts that he would think about bringing a "date" to such an exclusive mutual friends gathering KNOWING I'm gonna be there. Yeah I'mma have to put on my "I'm alright and I don't care" face but I'm really not gonna be. It's just so fresh still. I don't feel like I'm overreacting at all and it would be so different if it were a few months down the line but give me some time to get over it. Granted we're trying the friendship thing but dang I can't just erase my feelings away RIGHT AWAY........it takes time for SOME. I can't imagine if the roles were reversed that he would appreciate me doing the same. If he felt the way he said he did then I know it would bother him. Hmmmmmmm...........here I go.......putting my thick, strong shell on again. Get so sick of doing that sometimes but don't want to show everybody that my strength was penetrated by emotions and got me feeling uncomfortable. I'm gonna move past the feelings eventually but this soon...........naw, it takes time as I was really feeling. ONE can't cake on additional discomfort to a slowly distinguishing feeling and expect ones feeling not to get hurt more. Let it heal first, THEN RUB IT IN! It's common sense if you think about it and if ONE really cares ONE would have thought about that.

To let go and understand..........

Category: Romance and Relationships

It is still beyond my comprehension, and probably will forever be, how two people join in on a romantic level and it turns to dust in the wind when you saw it having so much potential. It also baffles me that once one has hurt you that they expect you to be kosher with the thought of being "just friends" after you ended up being the one with hurt. I mean it would almost ease my hurt to an extent if the man would just act like it bothers him even just the slightest little bit that he and I will no longer be romantic and I may never be in the picture again. Was it that shallow for you? That just displays the message to me that he really couldn't have cared that much about me in the first place. It's unfortunate and upsetting that I've once again gotten my feelings involved and FOR WHAT?!?!?! It is not my goal in life to catch another's attention and embark on an emotional journey just so I can say WELL THERE'S ANOTHER ONE that didn't see my worth. I AM WORTH IT and you will NOT convince me otherwise. If you wanted to step out of the picture to DO YOU then cool have fun, but I've been with an "I'm too busy for you", "your an option, not a priority" dude before and I DON'T deserve another one. My feelings are hurt once again and as I should be used to this rerun by now................I'm not! It still hurts that someone is so easy at letting me go like I was just a fun toy for a little while. Hope you had your fun and thanks for making me remember why I was skeptical in the first place. I shouldn't have wasted a single tear on you. Shame on me for that because I should have known better.

Dear love and desire.

Category: Romance and Relationships

Dear Love and Desire,

As I sit and wonder why on tv love looks so easy and attainable,
the thought makes me smile and hopeful to find love as calm, strong, and genuine.

Then as I gaze upon one that gives me that same tingle at times that I see on tv,
a storm arrives to strike the lightning and awaken me to the reality that love is not as cool and breezy as the tv may make it look at times.

I guess my patience is what I need to work on because it seems love and romance seems too good to be true and too far in the distance to be believable.

I look around wondering if that LOVE that should be so full of depth, genuine, loyal, strong, supportive, unconditional, everlasting really exists in this day in age.

Can someone take ME AS I AM and love me without the thought of disloyalty and proving to me that there will always be repeated pain to endure in my heart?

I know your supposed to take the good with the bad BUT why does that bad usually end up being the devastation or misery to a relationship?

Unconditional love.......hmmmmm.......that's a hard one to grasp because could I forgive one that cheated or even worse a non-changing, repetitive cheater?

Is love enough to look him in his eyes day in day out wondering if he even notices me or if I'm just there because I'm comfortable to him?

Is love enough to be with him wondering if and how much time has elapsed since he was thinking of or maybe even holding another woman?

Ahhhhhh and the subject of why one will yearn for another that may not reciprocate that desire AS MUCH. Should the desire to be with one be mutual AT ALL TIMES?

If it is reciprocated even 80% of the time is that sufficient? Is there a perfect 100% out there?

Why does she take time to talk one into staying when she should be the one answering that question from one?

Why does his touch, his kiss, his warm embrace, his little funny jokes, his intelligence, his drive, his sweet whispers ALWAYS keep her comin' back?

Why is it so hard for her to let go?

She questions if letting go is the right thing to do just to be safe or if her fear of abandonment and loneliness keeps it alive.

What does she do if one walks away briefly but walks back to her with passion in his eyes?

Why does she pick up the phone so many times, dial his number and before it fully connects end the call because she wants her phone to ring showing his call coming into her phone because she was thought of before she thought of him?

Why does such a beautiful, independent, determined, grown, caring, loving, genuine woman fall into her weakness so often?

Maybe that is why the desire to adore and love is SO strong to her because she has to fight to keep it alive at times and she chooses to try to let the good out weigh the bad.

Wondering if being released from the desire to love and desire for him would make her happier and more at peace and ending the constant questions..........I don't believe so because that is her and her is sometimes ME.

Thank you love and desire for allowing her to have you in her life and heart but is it possible that you make the way a little easier and more understandable for her because she feels she is worthy and ready.

Sincerely,
ME

Misunderstood

Category: Romance and Relationships

I wish I could create a handbook on ME that would better explain to another HOW and WHY I feel a certain way about certain situations or individuals along my path of life. I feel so misunderstood a lot of the times. I don’t know if it would have been easier for all of the human race if God would have given a handbook to each one of us at birth that would explain us thoroughly throughout the entirety of our lifetime that would update daily with our growth that we would be able to make copies of and distribute, when needed, to all of the people that misunderstand us along our way of growth. You could have an index that would make it so easy to figure out like Chapter 1. Romance and Love; Chapter 2. Family; Chapter 3. Friends and Friendships; Chapter 4. Pet Peeves; Chapter 5: Growth from Specific Pains; Chapter 6: What not to do; Chapter 7: MY True Happiness, etc. What a LARGE handbook I would have. I sometimes wish I wasn’t so vocal about the way I feel but I don’t understand what justice that does anybody if I ALWAYS bottle up what I feel about you or you in my life. Wouldn’t you rather know? I feel like I’m bein’ fake if I don’t let you know how I’m feeling if it is something that bothers me and then when you and I are interacting I’m actin’ like everything is kosher when it’s not. I often time feel that it is detriment to my growth with some people in my life. I just hate to harbor things that weigh on my chest so heavy. I feel like I can’t breathe until I get it out into the open with whatever or whoever it has to deal with or it’ll just drag me down from constantly thinkin’ about it. I feel like even when I try to explain why I am feeling a certain way about something or someone that I just can’t get it through that persons dome piece and then I feel like I walk away from the situation confused, hopeless, and frustrated and then in turn leave the other person confused, frustrated, and irritated with me. A dear person in my life says to me often "you say you know what you would do in that situation, but you don’t really know until your in those shoes" and he is so right, So maybe that is the solution to people misunderstanding ME. Take a walk in my shoes and feel what I feel and then maybe you’ll comprehend my feelings. I guess since I know that isn’t possible I should just either get used to being misunderstood or maybe my silence would do the trick BUT I refuse to give up my freedom of speech, as it is my release a lot of the times, so I suppose that leaves me with being misunderstood. How frustrating. Please know when I come to you about what I feel it is not my intention to ever leave you furious or upset with me but ONLY to find a resolution that is suitable for the situation or to be there for you if that is possible.

15 Random Things

Category: Life

OK, what ya do is, list 15 random things about you.

1. I LOVE walks in the park!
2. Even though I feel I had D.J. (my son) WAY too early in my life it happened for a reason and I wouldn’t take it back for anything.
3. I absolutely can’t STAND FAKE people! What’s the point?!?!?
4. Anytime I see a homeless person, elderly person that looks helpless, or handicapped person I literally have an urge to cry because my heart goes out to them and if I had more money I would shelter them all and gather a program that could try to get the homeless back on their feet and the elderly and handicapped people healthy as much as possible to create a more amicable and easy life because I have a big heart.
5. I don’t like to reveal my weakness’ at ANY time. I do admit that I have always struggled to defeat the weakness of yearning for a companion all the time.
6. When I eat, I only eat one thing at a time on my plate and I won’t mix things together and I usually leave the meat of the entree for last.....kind of like my FINALE! lol
7. I secretly get pissed when someone sees my first and last name and assumes that my last name is my first or they mispronounce my first name. It’s either BERACHAH or MS. PAYTON. Sheesh!
8. I have ALWAYS been blonde and NEVER dyed my hair past highlighting my blondeness. lol
9. I think everybodies feet (don’t care how cute they are) including my own are GROSS.
10. I have NEVER been in a physical altercation in my life but I’M SURE I would WHOOP UP ON some tail if anybody ever decides to get bold and throw any fists my way.
11. I am scared to no end to be in any swimming pool by myself.
12. I don’t believe in the phrase "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" because I’m not bout to be fake and act like everything is copacetic when your around if you are an "enemy" in my eyes.......it is what it is......I ain’t tryin’ to talk to you and don’t feel it to be beneficial to me anyways.
13. I don’t like to walk around bare foot and especially not on concrete, dry wood, or dirt.
14. I think I sometimes forget to address my issues and emotions because as much as I enjoy being the confidant and solid rock to most, sometimes all the advice given and issues and information received from others take precedence over my own.
15. I am a UofL Cardinal fan! GO CARDS!!!!!!!!!

Lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day

Category: Romance and Relationships

Good ol' Valentine's Day. So here it is another year and still single. Usually the thought of Valentine's Day and all the lovey-dovey that goes along with it makes me want to yack BUT as I get older and more mature I realize that Valentine's Day is NOT only about the "man" or "woman" in your life or the sweet gifts and beautiful flowers you may receive. Every year I spend time with some of my other single friends and have a blast on Valentine's Day and so I have to thank the "special" people in my life for making my Valentine's Day so wonderful and happy. I love my family and my friends. So I hope not a single one of you are hanging your head today because you don't have that romantic someone.........because you all are my special someone each day. I hope you all have a fabulous and cheerful Valentine's Day!

Overanalyzing

Category: Life

I used to be such a simple individual. I've been told on numerous occasions that I tend to overanalyze things said, done, or just situations in general. The thing is I am very aware of this but feel it to be necessary to make it through life. I didn't used to be this way so I know it is the 25 plus years I've lived that has my mind go through this process. Sometimes I feel it to be a disadvantage because at times you can end up blowing something out of proportion or maybe come to an inaccurate conclusion or assumption. However at times it has also been to my advantage so the question is do I try to learn to process certain situations, words, and/or actions normally with just a simple analysis? Is it even possible once you have reached the point I have in overanalyzing things to discontinue that process? Would it be to my advantage to try to attain a different way of thinking? I know I am not the only one that has this same way of thinking so maybe it is my complexity of mind that prohibits me from doing anything other than overanalyzing. It is part of me and as much as I'd like to believe I am simple minded I am not naive to the fact that I am a complex individual and with that, simplicity doesn't usually coincide.

Why always me???? Did I miss something???

Category: Romance and Relationships

Where do I begin............I've expressed before how much I'm NOT a fan of dating and I wish that MY MAN would reveal himself to me by the obvious like a sticker across his face that said something like "THE ONE FOR YOU, BERACHAH" but unfortunately that is NOT how it works. I mean aside from the fact that I harbor so much pain from the past and have dealt with an overwhelming amount of bullish that I shouldn't have had to in my 10 years of dating, the confusion, deception, and games never seem to cease in my dating encounters. When I give someone a chance, start to truly care about him, involve my feelings, etc. that is HUGE for me because it sincerely SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME to make myself vulnerable to another soul. The thing is.......I KNOW I AM A WONDERFUL WOMAN in so many ways! I've been told all the things one likes or loves about me many of times yet it seems to never be enough for him. For the record the worst thing to do is tell me all the things you love and/or like about me and how I'm an awesome woman but you just don't see it working between us. DID I MISS SOMETHING?????? A couple things transpired last night and I'm still rather upset about it all because it is beyond my comprehension I guess. We all yearn to find that as close to perfect man or woman but it seems that when someone of that potential is right in front of our faces we don't take it seriously or give it the chance it deserves to bloom into what could possibly be one of the most beautiful decisions in our life. What is that?!?!?!?!? As scared as I am of it all I am still opening my mind and heart to it. It may be SLOWLY but I am still taking that step to allow someone to see me deep within to see if it's RIGHT. What is right??? Is there a such thing??? I'm not gettin' any younger and it's not like I'm tryin' to rush into anything but I just don't get it. I mean if you put a delicious entree in front of me I'm gonna try it and once I bite into it if I see that it holds a taste worth savoring then I'm going to continue to endulge in it to see if that first delicious taste remains. Why do the delicious entree's put before me seem to always be for someone other than me? I don't expect anyone to have the answers to these questions but I'm confused, frustrated, upset, and havin' a hard time figuring things out. What it ultimately comes down to is that I yearn so much to have MY ONE but at times wonder if he is anywhere to be found. I'm told I can be complex at times but it is the things I've experienced and continue to experience that make me overanalyze to see ALL of the possible outcomes of a situation or relationship with one. It is MY PROTECTION from more pain. And you know I decided to take advice in the past year that I had received multiple times in regards to NOT LOOKING for "the one" and that he will find me. Well I haven't been lookin' and have opened myself to opportunities that have presented themselves to me and not by my seeking but what the heck for because that approach doesn't seem to be effective either.