Category: Life
I used to be such a simple individual. I've been told on numerous occasions that I tend to overanalyze things said, done, or just situations in general. The thing is I am very aware of this but feel it to be necessary to make it through life. I didn't used to be this way so I know it is the 25 plus years I've lived that has my mind go through this process. Sometimes I feel it to be a disadvantage because at times you can end up blowing something out of proportion or maybe come to an inaccurate conclusion or assumption. However at times it has also been to my advantage so the question is do I try to learn to process certain situations, words, and/or actions normally with just a simple analysis? Is it even possible once you have reached the point I have in overanalyzing things to discontinue that process? Would it be to my advantage to try to attain a different way of thinking? I know I am not the only one that has this same way of thinking so maybe it is my complexity of mind that prohibits me from doing anything other than overanalyzing. It is part of me and as much as I'd like to believe I am simple minded I am not naive to the fact that I am a complex individual and with that, simplicity doesn't usually coincide.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Why always me???? Did I miss something???
Category: Romance and Relationships
Where do I begin............I've expressed before how much I'm NOT a fan of dating and I wish that MY MAN would reveal himself to me by the obvious like a sticker across his face that said something like "THE ONE FOR YOU, BERACHAH" but unfortunately that is NOT how it works. I mean aside from the fact that I harbor so much pain from the past and have dealt with an overwhelming amount of bullish that I shouldn't have had to in my 10 years of dating, the confusion, deception, and games never seem to cease in my dating encounters. When I give someone a chance, start to truly care about him, involve my feelings, etc. that is HUGE for me because it sincerely SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME to make myself vulnerable to another soul. The thing is.......I KNOW I AM A WONDERFUL WOMAN in so many ways! I've been told all the things one likes or loves about me many of times yet it seems to never be enough for him. For the record the worst thing to do is tell me all the things you love and/or like about me and how I'm an awesome woman but you just don't see it working between us. DID I MISS SOMETHING?????? A couple things transpired last night and I'm still rather upset about it all because it is beyond my comprehension I guess. We all yearn to find that as close to perfect man or woman but it seems that when someone of that potential is right in front of our faces we don't take it seriously or give it the chance it deserves to bloom into what could possibly be one of the most beautiful decisions in our life. What is that?!?!?!?!? As scared as I am of it all I am still opening my mind and heart to it. It may be SLOWLY but I am still taking that step to allow someone to see me deep within to see if it's RIGHT. What is right??? Is there a such thing??? I'm not gettin' any younger and it's not like I'm tryin' to rush into anything but I just don't get it. I mean if you put a delicious entree in front of me I'm gonna try it and once I bite into it if I see that it holds a taste worth savoring then I'm going to continue to endulge in it to see if that first delicious taste remains. Why do the delicious entree's put before me seem to always be for someone other than me? I don't expect anyone to have the answers to these questions but I'm confused, frustrated, upset, and havin' a hard time figuring things out. What it ultimately comes down to is that I yearn so much to have MY ONE but at times wonder if he is anywhere to be found. I'm told I can be complex at times but it is the things I've experienced and continue to experience that make me overanalyze to see ALL of the possible outcomes of a situation or relationship with one. It is MY PROTECTION from more pain. And you know I decided to take advice in the past year that I had received multiple times in regards to NOT LOOKING for "the one" and that he will find me. Well I haven't been lookin' and have opened myself to opportunities that have presented themselves to me and not by my seeking but what the heck for because that approach doesn't seem to be effective either.
Where do I begin............I've expressed before how much I'm NOT a fan of dating and I wish that MY MAN would reveal himself to me by the obvious like a sticker across his face that said something like "THE ONE FOR YOU, BERACHAH" but unfortunately that is NOT how it works. I mean aside from the fact that I harbor so much pain from the past and have dealt with an overwhelming amount of bullish that I shouldn't have had to in my 10 years of dating, the confusion, deception, and games never seem to cease in my dating encounters. When I give someone a chance, start to truly care about him, involve my feelings, etc. that is HUGE for me because it sincerely SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME to make myself vulnerable to another soul. The thing is.......I KNOW I AM A WONDERFUL WOMAN in so many ways! I've been told all the things one likes or loves about me many of times yet it seems to never be enough for him. For the record the worst thing to do is tell me all the things you love and/or like about me and how I'm an awesome woman but you just don't see it working between us. DID I MISS SOMETHING?????? A couple things transpired last night and I'm still rather upset about it all because it is beyond my comprehension I guess. We all yearn to find that as close to perfect man or woman but it seems that when someone of that potential is right in front of our faces we don't take it seriously or give it the chance it deserves to bloom into what could possibly be one of the most beautiful decisions in our life. What is that?!?!?!?!? As scared as I am of it all I am still opening my mind and heart to it. It may be SLOWLY but I am still taking that step to allow someone to see me deep within to see if it's RIGHT. What is right??? Is there a such thing??? I'm not gettin' any younger and it's not like I'm tryin' to rush into anything but I just don't get it. I mean if you put a delicious entree in front of me I'm gonna try it and once I bite into it if I see that it holds a taste worth savoring then I'm going to continue to endulge in it to see if that first delicious taste remains. Why do the delicious entree's put before me seem to always be for someone other than me? I don't expect anyone to have the answers to these questions but I'm confused, frustrated, upset, and havin' a hard time figuring things out. What it ultimately comes down to is that I yearn so much to have MY ONE but at times wonder if he is anywhere to be found. I'm told I can be complex at times but it is the things I've experienced and continue to experience that make me overanalyze to see ALL of the possible outcomes of a situation or relationship with one. It is MY PROTECTION from more pain. And you know I decided to take advice in the past year that I had received multiple times in regards to NOT LOOKING for "the one" and that he will find me. Well I haven't been lookin' and have opened myself to opportunities that have presented themselves to me and not by my seeking but what the heck for because that approach doesn't seem to be effective either.
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