The confusion of feelings

So maybe I wear my heart and emotions on my sleeve.........so I'm told.........how do I refrain from doing so? Does that result in creating the notion that I'm meant to be put through MORE trials and tribulations than the average person? This past two weeks have been filled with so much unwanted stress, drama, and uneasy emotions.

When people say kindness can be seen as a sign of weakness...........I think my kindness is a MAJOR weakness for me. How horrible is that to say.........it's messed up I know. I try to be so considerate of another's feelings and in turn I am usually the one having to face unacceptable behaviour coming from the other person. Even with all the walls I have up, people still find a way to try and knock me down. My strength is tested and tested and tested on a regular basis. Can you people just choose to test my strength every blue moon rather than so daggon often. I am a STRONG woman! You will NOT BREAK ME!

I'm still at a loss in regards to a situation in my life, and quite honestly I am not havin' the easiest time understanding the facts being placed in my path of thoughts. It's like they're being thrown at me at a speed of 100 MPH........causing me to have no time to prepare myself for the impact. Because this person is confused about thoughts and feelings, I have to suffer. My feelings will not come second to anyone else's in this situation........it's just NOT RIGHT! What kind of bullish is that anyways?! I KNOW I don't deserve this kind of foolishness, so until you decide to get it together and figure out what the heck you are REALLY feeling...........leave me be please.

You would think with all the experience I have in heartache and messed up situations that I would have mastered the control over the uneasy emotions that are a direct result of these situations. I know I'm supposed to grow with each chapter in my life, but I often feel like I'm having to learn over and over again the same lessons. I KNOW I'm learning from the past situations that make me act and feel the way I do, but why does my book of life have so many similar chapters? Even when I analyze and evaluate the heck out of someone or something in my life, someone still seems to find a way to hit me with an uncomfortable surprise out of left field.

I often times tell other people to just "brush it off" and remember to smile. Most definitely easier said than done.